Author of "My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag ... And Other Things You Can't Ask Martha" (Plume, 25 February 2014)
I do love a holiday clean-up primer!Source: deadspin.com
@joliekerr It’s like you know I have many a science experiment being kept “fresh” with Tupperware. Ok, I will do it today. Maybe.— Michelle Mobley (@Chellie2shoes) November 15, 2013
Here’s a way to help make that a less horrifying experience.
1. Get your trashcan out and put it next to the refrigerator.
2. Put on a pair of rubber gloves.
3. Open the refrigerator door.
4. Remove the offending Tupperware from the refrigerator.
5. Take a deep breath. Hold it.
6. Remove the lid, toss it in the sink.
7. Using your be-gloved hands, scoop the rancid food out of the container. Toss the container in the sink.
[repeat if necessary]
8. Tie up the trash bag.
9. Wash your be-gloved hands with soap and water. Wash the Tupperware. Remove the gloves. Wash your hands.
10. Take out the trash.
(You should have exhaled at some point along the way.)
To get you on your way — because what day could be more exciting than this one??? — here are the basics of cleaning out a refrigerator, Clean Person-style.
What do you recommend using to clean out a refrigerator? Also can you help with my fridge & freezer organization issues? I need a plan that I can stick to.
In the same way that white vinegar is tops for freezers, it’s the best thing for the fridge, too. In addition to having paper towels/sponges/rags on you, when it comes to the fridge you might also want to pick up a Dobie Pad. Refrigerators often house more sticky spills and splatters and God only knows what else than freezers do, and the Dobie Pad will help you sgrunge things off the walls without scratching up the plastic.
With our tools in hand it’s time to take everything out!
Have a trash bag or garbage pail near by and throw away anything suspect before you even start cleaning. Set items you’re keeping on the countertops and/or in a cooler. If you have foodstuffs covered in plastic wrap or tin foil use it to protect your hand while you scoop old food into the trashcan. (That’s a nifty little trick from me to those of you with tactile squick issues.) Alternatively: Wear rubber gloves.
Once everything is out, the next step is to remove the shelves and drawers and wash them with hot soapy water in the sink or tub. Probably the tub is better because it gives you more room for what are fairly awkwardly shaped items. Also it frees up the sink so that you can fill it up with hot soapy water and put any storage containers, pots, pans, jars, other things I probably don’t want to know about, pitchers, etc. right in to soak.
Now you’ll turn your attention to the interior of the fridge. Spray with white vinegar solution, wipe down with your Dobie Pad, get after any stains with a Magic Eraser if necessary, and that’s sort of it. Depending on how gross things are this might take some elbow grease, so don’t be surprised if my easy-sounding instructions end up being more work than you anticipated.
Now the fun part: putting everything back in! First you’ll want to survey your foodstuffs and group things together. Wipe sticky bottles, tighten lids, snap Tupperware tops back in place, tell your Tabasco sauce how nice its new haircut looks. Tend to your things. Then put everything back in a way that makes sense to you. Some ideas! Try to keep labels facing out so you can easily distinguish similar-looking items from one another. Put things you don’t use often toward the back of the unit. Put taller items behind shorter ones. Make a note of things you have duplicates of and, um, stop buying those things. Put raw meat and eggs on the bottom shelf so if there’s a leak it doesn’t contaminate your other food. (At the risk of being hollered at for the wasteful use of plastic, I usually grab a produce bag and put meat in it while doing my grocery shopping. Then it goes in the fridge all wrapped up.) Try not to put temperature-sensitive items like milk in the door if you can help it; the regular opening of the door will mess with its happiness level.
OK now look at where your things are. From now on that’s where those things go. When you come home from the market the milk should go in the same place it was before. Doing so will create a habit that helps to keep things organized. In terms of keeping things clean, every time you take out your trash, open your refrigerator and throw away any old food. This should be part of your taking out the trash routine. Remember your routine? Raise your hand if you’re still following your routine!! Hurrah! Gold stars all around!This article originally appeared on thehairpin.com; ©Jolie Kerr 2012
Republishing these in honor of National Clean Out Your Fridge Day 2013! (I noted on Twitter that because I’m a benevolent Clean Person I’m officially extending the holiday through the weekend.)(I don’t really have the power to do that, but we can pretend!)Source: joliekerr
Winter-themed Clean Persons just keep on coming!Source: jezebel.com
Hey gang! I’m putting together a primer on post-Hallowe’en clean up. The topics I’ve picked out so far include: glitter, wings/feathers, blood (fake and real), pumpkin, chocolate, face paint and vomit. But I know you’ve got ideas for me so …:
What kinds of messes are you anticipating making this year?
What messes have you made in the past?
What are you going as?
What’s the best kind of Hallowe’en candy?
You can find every installment of Squalor on my personal Kinja page (I … I’m pretty sure that saying “my personal Kinja page” is akin to referring to the internet as “the information superhighway” but I’m an olden person and so I’ve decided I don’t actually care?)
I’ll keep this archive current; an updated version will appear at the end of each new column. Happy cleaning!
The Squalor Archive: Armpit Stain Eradication | Blood Stain Removal | Booze Stench Elimination | Brightening White Towels & Sheets | Cleaning Car Consoles | Caring for Athletic Clothing | Cat Pee | Dog Mess on Carpet | Filthy Couches | Football Glove Care | Gasoline on Clothing | Grain Moth Infestations | Grease/Rubber Stain Treatments | Gross Computers |Guests & Bedbugs | Karategi Cleaning | Ketchup Stains | Laundering Bathmats | Lube Stains |Makeup Debris in Bathrooms | Makeup Stains On Upholstery | Marijuana Stench | Mayo Stains| Melted Microfiber on Enameled Cast Iron | Menstrual Cup Care | Mildewed Towels | Moldy Trousers | Mustard Stains | Nail Polish Stains | Odor Removal for Non-Launderable Items |Oven Cleaning | Pee-Smelling Bathrooms | Rank Roller Derby Pads | Rust Stains on Clothing |Scorched Pots | Semen Stains | Sheet Changing Cycles | Sheet Changing Etiquette & Tricks |Skidmarks | Stained Tennis Whites | Stinking Sinks | Stinky Feet | Sunscreen Stains | The Great Bra Washing Extravaganza | Towel Laundering Cycles | Treating Testicular Odor | When Butter Attacks | Yellowed Fingernails | Yellowed Sheets | Yellowed Swimsuits